I don’t know from when it is started or what is the triggered
point. I do know one thing that I am not feeling well. It’s not like that I am
suffering from fever or physical pain. But something is bothering me and
hurting me. I have lost my interest in everything. I have started skipping my
lunch or dinner time. I am surviving on tea.
Whenever I am trying to sleep I am feeling like I am drowning. My hands
are shaking whenever I am trying to write anything. AND I AM ANGRY WITH MYSELF
AND EVERYTHING.
Then finally I have decided to consult with a psychologist
doctor.
Still in my country, consulting with a psychologist is a kind of
luxury taboo. People often make fun of you, if you tell them you are consulting
with a psychologist. Here people never consider anxiety disorder or depression as
a serious issue. Well, I still don’t tell my parents. The problem starts from here.
You have to hide that fact from people around that you are going to a
counselling session. If you tell them they literally start avoiding you and
they give a tag name “Psychopath”. This
is the biggest problem of any anxiety disorder patients. When I told one of my friends
that I was not feeling well so I was thinking to consult with a psychologist,
she literally rolled her eyes gave me a weird look. Then she spread a rumour in the campus like I
had gone crazy, even HOD(Head of my Department) asked me some irrelevant
questions like “are you having suicidal syndrome “ or “are you attempted
suicide”. NOOOOOOOOO…
YESS… I have some issues and I am not feeling well… I am trying hard to overcome it and that’s
why I am consulting with a psychologist.
Consulting with a psychologist doesn’t make you a psychopath
or crazy people. What I have realized from my counselling session like
finally after a long time I am actually having a really meaningful conversation
with someone who is listening to me without any judgemental assumption. Well in my
life I never have someone with whom I can share my inner thoughts or feelings
so my doctor is the first one who wants to listen to my story.
External injuries can heal up with medicine but there are some
injuries which bleed you out and it's like something is eating you from inside
and you are feeling pain extreme pain but there are no external wounds.
From my childhood, my grandma taught me one thing “YOU SHOULD
LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOURSELF”. After losing
my grandfather she never lost herself.
She taught me how to enjoy a lonely time. At the age of sixty, she was
travelling alone with a travel tour company. She was involved in various
activities like organising Durga puja, drawing competition in our
neighbourhood. One thing I am always
proud of myself that I ENJOY MY OWN COMPANY. I literally can hang out by myself, I can go out and watch a movie alone or shopping alone.. I eat out alone too..yeah.. And things are getting complicated for me when
I realize that suddenly I am locking myself in my room and I get scared whenever I need to go out.
I choose to consult
with Psychologist.
Comments
Post a Comment