From the Corner of My Diary

my love life .. my break up.   it's totally irked me. I had been in a "serious committed relationship" and this "serious committed relationship" was kind of sucking my blood from the very first day. After tolerating one half-year I  had just decided to put an end to this "blood-sucking" "serious committed relationship". So.. I was working as an intern in a newspaper house and I had fallen for him. How did we meet! during my internship days, I was totally into photography. I had met with him at a photo exhibition seminar. We both shared the same interests like photography, reading.. we exchanged our phone numbers and we started chatting..  and like cliche drama storyline I had fallen in love with him. From the very very first moment, he complained about one thing that "I was a bad girlfriend" YESS! And he listed out all the reasons: you didn't like couple cute name. you didn't call me often. you didn...

I am tired. Really exhausted. Fighting a battle with your inner self is kind of tough.  Am I trying too hard! Am I forcing myself too much..  I just want to sit quietly for a while.  That's what I really want to do. People and their constant ranting make me tired. My father keeps talking about his life's biggest regrets as his children have failed him badly. My relatives are poking me every second with their typical "marriage" series questions.  I still don't get it why people have to say soo many things about my life. I am grown up mature woman. I have my own opinion. But people around me throwing their opinions on me and forcing me to believe that, accept that.  WHY! Why do I need to listen to them!  just because they are my relatives and I can't give up on them. or listening to them makes me more sociable goody girl. I DON'T WANT TO BE  A GOOD GIRL. I JUST WANT TO BE MYSELF. My messy frizzy hair..tanned...

Winter Is Coming Cold bothers me a lot. I am suffering from Cold Fever and Breathing Problems. I have to take to Inhaler 8th times in a day. It's difficult for me to breathe. Not Doing Well.

My Room... My Comfort Prison... Before my anxiety disorder, I could share a room with anyone. I had been totally fine to share a room even with any unknown person..  But now I just need my own room my own corner. My own room is kind of messy disorganised hell but for me, it's my comfort zone. After a long day, I just want to crawl back into my messy room. My room is not a typical cozy clean room. I just have a few things in my room one bad, one table, one chair and my grandma's old almirah.  That's all..  I have to give full credit to my table and chair for tolerating my messy mishaps. I have pilled up my all regular clothes in my chair and my table is taken care of my books, watches, combs, creams and all most everything. My table is like carrying my existence.  My messy room gives me a kind of warmly hugging vibes. My room has been witnessing my secrets pains my failures. Sometimes I just wonder how a messy unclean disorganised room becomes my homely ...

Finally, after a long argument with myself, I have decided to take a semester break. I am tired.. Physically Mentally I am just exhausted. I just want to breathe.. I want to reboot myself with positivity. I just want to have a day with positive thoughts. I just want to stay away from all negative thoughts and people around me.  To bring positivity in my life I just make little bit changes in my daily life:    no phone checking after waking up in the morning : I have this habit to check my phone after waking up, even before washing up. The very moment I opened my eyes I have started looking for my phone. so my morning used to be all about tweets insta posts FB messages. After waking up from my sweet dream, my virtual life welcomed me with fake news, political propaganda and economic crisis or mean messages comments and as usual, I started my day with a heavy heart. So  I have decided to change this habit. No phone checking in the morning. ...

My psychologist, from the very first day of my counseling session she has been shedding light on one thing : " LOVING YOURSELF❤ APPRECIATING YOURSELF ".   During my second meeting with her She just grasped my hands and gave me the warmest most comforting advice of my life ," before falling in love with anyone ❤ just fall in love with yourself ." Most of the time we just ignore ourself. In our own lives, we just place ourself as a secondary shadowy factor. We all are busy living our life, fulfilling duties responsibilities and walking with burdens. In the midst of the hustle-bustle, we just lose ourself. We are just Living life.  While living our life we have trapped ourself in the castle of isolation. Most of the time we haven't appreciated our own efforts.   Life's journey indeed a long adventure sometime we should take a break and congratulate ourself for our efforts so far!! Let's not judge ourself from other's viewpoint. let not get int...

How are you!!! How are you doing!! People usually ask me whenever I am meeting with them. Well physically I am doing fine but I am emotionally mentally not feeling well.   People are reluctant to understand that Mental Health is a Real important factor for well being. Mental Wellbeing includes our emotional psychological and social wellbeing. It affects our daily life. Being not mentally well affects our choice and decision making.   Mental distress, anxiety, depression all these are REAL not just Medical fantasy Terms. Abusive and discouragement treatment within the family during my childhood are main contributed factors for my mental health issues.   Beating kids or spanking kids is the common socially accepted parenting trait. Parents often admit that they have no other choice but to use force to discipline their kids. Well in my case I was never been demanding spoiled kid. Even today my parents agree on this matter. So why did they beat me!! Th...

I don't know from where should I start. I had my PCOS symptoms in the early days of college life. back then I had no idea what was PCOS, usually, I had bad cramps in my periods days and it used to be so severe pain that I almost fainted out in my college washroom. I also started having irregular periods then I gained weights.. My mom took me to a gynaecologist for a medical check-up. She hammered our mind with the news of PCOS after sonography report found out that I had multiple cysts on my ovaries. Now my doctor weirdly asked me whether was I planning to have a baby or not at that time. I was so shocked and almost fell down from my chair. I was 19. She then told me it wasn't a big issue until I would be ready to have kids, till then I should take the pills so that my periods would come regularly.  Now PCOS is quite a common medical condition but somehow society and relatives make you feel like a victim because PCOS is related to infertility. My relatives officially ...

Society and its social norms, customs which have chained you in a certain way.. The society always draws certain boundaries for girls women and we have to keep our self within that boundaries. Girls shouldn't do that. Girls shouldn't that. Girls can't do that.. I have grown up listening with "don't don't" catchphrase. Be a   Good girl... Conceal your feelings.. Hide your pains.. Be a caged Barbie doll.. There are two things which bother most: fair skin obsession of our society and Cinderella syndrome. Yeah.. Totally.. I just hate that Cinderella story from my very childhood. But our society adores that story like a pitiful girl has been rescued by her Prince Charming.. Aww... Such a perfect story.. It’s like a girl who is living in the pitiful state must wait for her Prince Charming to come and rescue her.. Yes.. A girl can't just rescue herself and girl can't fight against all odds in her life she must need a Man in her l...

Now that’s really complicating subject to talk about. Ok. Yeah.. like, everyone, I have some inferior complexes and Yess I do know that. But my inferiority complexes are one of the reasons for my anxiety disorder. I always accept my inferiority complexes and I never fight with myself because of my inferior complexes. But its also true that sometimes I have low esteem panic disorder because of my inferiority complexes. Well.. my inferiority complexes lists are not that big like I am introvert and I can’t just start talking with strangers or even with any known people because I don’t know how to start conversation or every time I feel superbly awkward in social gatherings then sometimes I avoid stores where I have to ask for something and   I can’t ask any people in the   street for help if I get lost(that happened   with me many times, I was literally roaming in the street for hours before to reach my destination ). I just hate talking… then I wish I could know...