My Room... My Comfort Prison...
Before my anxiety disorder, I could share a room with anyone. I had been totally fine to share a room even with any unknown person..
But now I just need my own room my own corner. My own room is kind of messy disorganised hell but for me, it's my comfort zone. After a long day, I just want to crawl back into my messy room. My room is not a typical cozy clean room. I just have a few things in my room one bad, one table, one chair and my grandma's old almirah. That's all.. I have to give full credit to my table and chair for tolerating my messy mishaps. I have pilled up my all regular clothes in my chair and my table is taken care of my books, watches, combs, creams and all most everything. My table is like carrying my existence.
My messy room gives me a kind of warmly hugging vibes. My room has been witnessing my secrets pains my failures. Sometimes I just wonder how a messy unclean disorganised room becomes my homely pleasure. I feel safe..
During my extreme anxiety disorder, it has been impossible for me to leave my room. I feel lost and scared and when I am in my room I feel secure and safe. That time I have been trying to motivate myself to get out from my room but nothing worked out.
Anxiety Disorder is a psychological hiding. We are having difficulty to coping with the world and wish to escape. I have decided to lock up myself in my room. I have turned my comfort zone into my own prison.
Then I literally forced myself to take help.
If anyone out there has been going through this kind of anxiety disorder episodes then I must tell you, it's totally understandable. It’s a defence mechanism to hide from everything and help yourself to feel like nothing can get to you. it's your fear which built up in your mind. Fear gets mixed up with your daily life. My fear comes from my past childhood trauma. "We only suffer our memories of the past and our imaginations about the future, in our present moment.” You need to concreate on your Present, try to rebuild your present for reforming yourself. Rather than hiding from your fear demon it is better to gather up your courage and face it.
My counseling session helps me. Don't hesitate to take help. If your circumstances don't allow you to get help then start reforming yourself slowly. You have to understand one thing that you can't just become Wonder Woman within a day. It is a long healing process.
At first, just try to come out from your room even it is for 5mint.
Then Try to go to your nearest stationery shop to buy anything.
Get up at the same time in the Moring.
Try to follow early morning walk routine.
Combat with your fears and keep telling yourself You are Strong.
Keep believing in yourself.
Don't discourage yourself even if you fail to combat your fears.
Keep Encouraging Yourself.
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