We are Falling apart

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Texts are getting shorter!  Long conversation. Late night chats. Everything about us is falling apart.  Do you feel that.. I have started walking away from your thoughts.. Do you feel it.. I just don't want to save me But I want to save us! You are still staying apart with your ignorant self. I am dying inside. You are hiding behind your self-conscious mask. I  am losing you.. No.. I never have you.. You never let me, have you.. My concern for "you" makes you feel strangled.. You are getting annoyed with my texts.. I am good.. Maybe I am too good for you.. Or Maybe I am going over the board with your thoughts.. I don't want to bother you.. Don't any more.. I am letting you go slowly.. You never belong to me. I should stop pretending like it doesn't hurt. It does hurt. I did cry in the night. Does it hurt you! Or it's just me!
3 comments

BUT YES.. I am NOT QUITTER

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I have failed in my paper submission. I have failed to clear my paper submission exam. I have tried yet I have failed.


People often say failure is the first step to success. Failure makes you strong. Failure helps you to grow.




But why am I feeling less!
Why am feeling ashamed!
Why would  I want to hide my face!
Why!!




It's like that my anxiety disorders are coming back to haunt me.
My predators are waiting for me.
I just want to hide somewhere in the corner.
My childhood traumatic experiences are flooding back into memories.




One Test! One failure!
And I am feeling ashamed of myself.
I have just started hating myself.
I  just want to crawl back into the back hole.


why does the result matter most! I have worked so hard yet I just fail to make it. Now, why am I feeling like all the hard works of mine are wastage of time? Why am I feeling inferior!

How does a test result mould me in such a way! 

Why! 

BUT YES I AM NOT QUITTER. 

YESS! I am feeling horrible.. My anxieties are coming back to me. Social expectations are going to choke me up.

Yess! but I am not going to give up! 




Comments

  1. ShivangiNovember 23, 2019 at 8:02 AM

    Dear Sneha, I am an anxious jellybean too. I know what happens when failure looms large. All I can say that this is just one exam. Conquer the next - life is a series of exams (successes and failures). All have a binary output and as long as you don't let one exam be a pitstop for anxiety, you'll keep surging ahead! Fighting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sneha'sdiaryNovember 23, 2019 at 8:17 AM

      thank you so much for encouraging words! thank you sooo much..

      Delete

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