Another year comes to an end. If I look back then I must say this year has
been an emotional roller coaster for me. My anxiety disorder comes back to me. My
suicidal syndrome comes back again. I am living almost into emotional giving up
verge. My relatives' and father keep asking
me to give up on my PhD dream. My seniors in university steal my thesis
papers. So if I need to sum up my entire
year then I must say it is the worst year of my entire life.
I have no idea what to expect from this new year.
I want to embrace this new year with positivity.
Positivity comes with positive thinking.
My positive mantra for 2020:
Accept it and ignore it – Well few things are not going to
change like my father’s nagging and my relative’s badmouthing. I have been suffering a lot because of their
words.. so I have decided to accept the fact that they are not going to change
themselves and I can’t stop them from making prejudiced nasty comments and it
would be better to ignore them altogether.
Society– And... Society is going to choke me up with this question,
”are you getting married “ “do you have a boyfriend” “you are getting old, get
married” …. People are going to talk no
matter what I do, I can’t change it.
It’s their way of living.. Instead of feeling anxious I have started feeling
pity for them.
Stop Reacting- Now
it's the time for me to stop reacting.. People often poke you just to see your
reaction. Your reaction gives them a sense of pleasure. They are feeling kind of powerful by looking
at your messed up reaction. “they can
manipulate people.. they can disturb them emotionally. They can torture them
with their words and gestures” I think
these thinking make them manipulative
sadist. So just ignore them.. kill them with a pretty smile.
Be Confident- I have
a tendency to work from the shadow. I don’t like
being in the spotlight. People take advantage of this. It's also true that I don’t
feel enough confident to take credit of
my own work. From this new year, I am
going to try to change my this behavioural trait. No matter what this year I am going
up on stage. I am going to trust myself every day as I am keeping the promises I make to myself.
Self-worth – I have already hurt. My wounds are
reopened. Yess! I am messed up! But I am
not letting anyone decide my worth. I
don’t care what others think of me. I am not going to live in frustration and
bitterness. So just stop worrying about
what others are thinking about me. End of the day it only matters are you going
to bed with peace or not.
Life isn’t easy it never would be but it would be better if I
choose to believe in myself. I am doing it for myself.. for my peace. I am choosing my goals my dreams over anything & everything, I don’t want to live my
life in any regrets. For this new year, I have decided to cover my ears, no more listening to others and just started listening to my
heart.
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