From the Corner of My Diary

my first suicidal thought: I had my first suicidal thought when I was in 7th standard, I even tried too. the reason was my poor school grades. I had tried to cut my vein and I still have the small scar in my left arm. Then again I had suicidal thought when I had done poorly in my final high school exam. but this time I did not try. somehow I had convinced myself to go on. Still, I have no idea, how did I convince myself that night.  Often people have termed the 'suicidal'  as a cowardly act. They are coward that's why they choose to end their life. It is an easy way out for the cowardly people. They tend to choose this path because they are weakling. But, before judging if you ever try to listen to their side of stories. before tagging them 'coward' do you guys ever try to help them out.  NOOO.   So when your near and dear ones seem to be giving up, don’t judge them; they’ve probably tried very hard and are now struggling to keep up. If you can&#

I have failed in my paper submission. I have failed to clear my paper submission exam. I have tried yet I have failed. People often say failure is the first step to success. Failure makes you strong. Failure helps you to grow. But why am I feeling less! Why am feeling ashamed! Why would  I want to hide my face! Why!! It's like that my anxiety disorders are coming back to haunt me. My predators are waiting for me. I just want to hide somewhere in the corner. My childhood traumatic experiences are flooding back into memories. One Test! One failure! And I am feeling ashamed of myself. I have just started hating myself. I  just want to crawl back into the back hole. why does the result matter most! I have worked so hard yet I just fail to make it. Now, why am I feeling like all the hard works of mine are wastage of time? Why am I feeling inferior! How does a test result mould me in such a way!  Why!  BUT YES I AM NOT

And I know there are lots of people out there, like me, who are still thinking of themselves as "Anti-Social". I hate gatherings. Because of too many people, I have always tried to sneak out from any gatherings.  People and their fake pretentious smiles, oh god, I just hate it.  The social world and social norms exhaust me.  Every moment I have to pretend to be someone else.  Sometimes I have the feelings of "anti-social" like everyone is enjoying to being fake and I am the one who is carrying the burden for being real.     I AM not fake or anti-social. It's just MY way of thinking. I am not anti-social but tend to avoid social gatherings or interactions with too many people, as it drains me out totally. When it comes to thinking and making any important decisions, I take a deep dive into myself and allow no one to interfere with the process. I keep calm and like to maintain a low-key profile and take pride in my independence fr

"BE  BRAVE" People often advise you  just to "be brave"  Is it like "being brave" is so easy? Putting a brave face before everyone. Denying the fear which is emotionally cripple your life. It is even difficult to breathe when people around you stop supporting you! You have started to doubt your own existence.  Sharing your story with others even becomes a burden for yourself.  Your fears and insecurities have started taking over your life, yet people call it fake.   Everything around you is falling apart.  Even your family give up on you. You are drowning in your emotional  difficulties and people criticise you for being "overly sensitive" Then people tell you to be brave.  Before telling someone to "Be Brave" try to feel the pains.. the wounds. Being Brave is not an easy 24*7 job.