From the Corner of My Diary

Another year comes to an end. If I look back then I must say this year has been an emotional roller coaster for me. My anxiety disorder comes back to me. My suicidal syndrome comes back again. I am living almost into emotional giving up verge.  My relatives' and father keep asking me to give up on my PhD dream. My seniors in university steal my thesis papers.  So if I need to sum up my entire year then I must say it is the worst year of my entire life. I have no idea what to expect from this new year. I want to embrace this new year with positivity. Positivity comes with positive thinking. My positive mantra for 2020 : Accept it and ignore it – Well few things are not going to change like my father’s nagging and my relative’s badmouthing.  I have been suffering a lot because of their words.. so I have decided to accept the fact that they are not going to change themselves and I can’t stop them from making prejudiced nasty comments  and  it would be better t

New Morning.. New Day... As usual waiting for my train.. with me thousand of people are waiting in the station.. yes.. when I am saying thousand, I literally mean it... we, Indian are loud people.  The station is literally buzzing with loud noises. Suddenly I witness a blind woman is selling Christmas toys, pens in the station. She is carrying a huge backpack and keeping all these stuff in the backpack moving slowly from corner to another corner requesting people around her to buy Christmas gifts from her. Then she stands before me with her bright smile and requests me to buy something.  Her bright smile lightens up my world. Now it's past 12'o clock but her bright smiling face keeps coming back to me. Still, I can't forget her bright smiling face.  Is my life much harder than her~this question keeps bothering me.  Why am I living such complicated conflicted life.. why can't I just smile like her. Why... Why am I making my life so complicated! why am I ru

I have shared a volatile contradictory relationship with my father. Yes. I don't share "I am Dady's little princess" kind of emotional precious bond with my father. He never wanted that neither did I ...  My father was always been kind of strict control freak person. He still wants to control everything and anything, that's his way to prove "he is the man of the house", typical Indian household story. In my father regime, it is his son, firstborn, my brother always been his first priority. My brother has been kind of prestigious project of Father. He had given everything to my brother in return he wanted my brother to won every time. My father's excessive possessiveness and controlling nature for brother turned out into a big mess when my brother started to revolt. It's my honour to watch my brother grown up into a fine man despite troubled childhood.  My brother has shared a love-hate relationship with my father. They have fought a